Thursday, May 20, 2010

Party Thoughts

I like parties.  The drinks, the fun, the fun drinks, the general merriment in the air and...–well, it's mostly the drinks.  However, I am not a fan of throwing parties.  When I say "throwing parties" what I mean is when a party takes place at my house–these parties are not (ever) my idea and I am not (ever) the host. I just happen to live at the house where all the family parties are at like the one being thrown on Saturday.

I'd like to reiterate that I do like parties.  It is just nice to be able to go to a party when you are ready and then leave when you're done.  It's not very comfortable when somebody shows up, family or otherwise, and I am in blue polka dot jamma pants and my hair looks like I got in a cat fight in the back alley of a dive bar (apparently, I dream about jazzercising) and I am stuck in the kitchen for all the world to see until I've scooped all the avocado out of the avocado skin (this is as close to "cooking" as it gets for me).  The only thing remotely appealing about this picture are my eyelids.  Eyeshadow always looks better the next day, if only the under eye mascara and sleep* weren't tainting The Look.

This [not so] pretty picture coupled with pre-cleaning and post-cleaning are just about the main reasons for my lack of enthusiasm for these events.  I suppose there are advantages, like not having to worry about parking.  If my very cute heels are wreaking havoc on my feet I am at liberty to change them.  When I get cold my own jackets are available to me.  And I can drink without having to worry about driving home, borrowing pajamas and brushing my teeth with my finger.

All these Pros, and the one con of cleaning (alone) took the cake. That, ladies and gentlemen, is an Avid Lazy Ass.  I should be one of the features in the Freak Show at the Circus but I'm too lazy to apply.  I would be a hit too. Imagine all the people that would come to see me so they can say to their self, "Oh wow, I'm not that lazy." and feel better about their own lazy habits.  I would be boosting self-esteem across the nation and make my mark on this world!

But then that wouldn't make me very lazy now would it? I will just stay true to myself and keep my ass  on the couch and put it off one more day like the Lazy Ass Procrastinator I am.

* "sleep" is what I call that cakey stuff.

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